The life of a Christian is hard, that’s the simple truth. One of the ways I see the world is in three groups, black, grey, and white. The grey are the people in between their not sure, or they don’t know enough to be judged responsible. The black are the people that know about God, and still disobey him. By know I don’t mean knowing there’s a church, and the church worships God, I mean a deeper knowledge and understanding. The white are the people that have given their life to God, and are trying to move forward with him. Once you’ve given your life to God, and have moved over to the white then you become a direct enemy of the devil. Where as before in the grey you didn’t know enough to do any harm, you also begin to disobey your flesh, which wishes to do evil. While your juggling all the walls, lies, and tribulation the lord also tries to change you through grace to become a better person. He makes you face old pains, and obstacles that you’ve buried deep down before. If this also isn’t enough while you struggle to do the right things, you see people doing the wrong things become more successful than you. I’ve recently been involved in a project, that involves the driving of innovation, and one of the steps of making an innovation is critiquing. We’ve come to call this step Crows vs. Crops, where crows or critics pick away at your innovation. As they start picking away they delve you into doubt, and darkness, but by the end your idea will have become stronger since it’s faced and solved its obstacles. The same can be said about your faith, and your character. Right now as you face doubt, and darkness the lord is shaping you into a better person. The lord’s grace forgives you for your sins, but it also helps you change so you won’t want to sin. When the you give your life to the lord, he shatters your dream, to build an even greater dream. An analogy I like to use is that your planning out your perfect house. You want a little red house, surrounded by a picket fence, with maybe a path leading to it, a small perfect picture. The lord doesn’t look at the small picture, he doesn’t look at your small red house, but instead he looks at the bigger picture that your unable to see. Because your unable to see this bigger picture, when the lord guides you at times you may see yourself as lost, or confused.
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. Matthew 25:16
For those of you that are envious of the wicked, for their spoils and success remember that they will be condemned in the after life. Or if they do convert their riches in heaven, may not be as much as yours. What I was taught was that the lord loves all of us like his children, and he loves all of us unconditionally. It doesn’t matter if we obey him or not, because doesn’t a parent still love their child after mistakes? Well the lord knows that some people won’t repent, and that they’ll be going to hell. Knowing this he tries to make their life easier here, because he knows the suffering they’ll have in hell. But don’t think that because your following God the only riches you have will be in heaven.
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Genesis 1:28
We were blessed by god to be fruitful, to have dominion over the earth. That means you are to be fruitful, you are to be prosperous. You have to accept these truths, and have faith that you are fruitful and prosperous. Do not believe in lies that to be holy, and faithful you have to live a poor miserable life. That’s a lie to tie you down, you have to believe and thank God for the gifts you have been given and the gifts you will be given.
I do not know exactly what you may be going through, and the only person to truly understand you is God. The only thing I can say is your only human, and it’s not your fault if you make mistakes or crack a bit. I know a person that is very intimate with God, and during a period with his life he cursed God. He realized now that the things he went through lead to the person he is now. But during this time, don’t be too hard on yourself if you doubt or have setbacks because even if we were made in God’s image we aren’t God. I have faith that if you do drift away, he will pull you back again and again because he loves you, and will never give up on you.